today, I wished I didn’t have children.
today, I wished I was alone.
my life,
my days,
my energy,
entirely
my own.
today, I wished they weren’t there,
on the other side of a closed door,
waiting for me to emerge,
once more,
composed,
loving,
available.
today, I resented them,
their needs,
their demands,
their very existence.
the way they make me feel,
like everything about me,
my worth,
my self,
my purpose,
is tied to those two syllables.
— mama.
such a short word to contain
the multitudes of me.
such a small, confined space,
to spread my wings and fly.
today, I craved for more,
much more than babbled names.
I craved the entire sky,
to fill with a l l my colors.
I craved a boundless ocean,
to expand my inner waves.
today, I craved the chance
to exist,
as something
other.
what could today have been,
if only I…
today, it didn’t happen.
today, I could have belonged to me,
I belonged to them, instead.
of all the me I hold within,
the mother is the fiercest.
always,
always,
ever.
today, I wished I didn’t have children.
but then I held them to my heart,
and I had to think
again.
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Beautifully composed and recited. I, too, have been there, and still find myself there, when mine are now 24 and 21! Motherhood is both exhausting and exhilarating ❤️
I AM A PUDDLE